Wednesday, 18 November 2015

So you think you're better than me? Fuck off!

So I joined a debate...I regret this decision. 

The debate involves a bunch of women half who have ended a pregnancy due to a pre-natal diagnosis, half who have continued a pregnancy with a pre-natal diagnosis, who also incidentally say they are pro-choice but who think termination for medical reasons is wrong?! 

Let me first clarify. I have no problem with people who chose another path to the one I chose. In fact I applaude them. They came to a different decision than I did, it doesn't affect me in any way and I'm happy that that decision was the best for their family. 

What I do have a problem with is how I am judged for the decision I made. I have been called a monster and selfish. I have been told by choosing to end my pregnancy with Albie I have made their children's lives worthless and devalued and that I have discriminated against people with disabilities. Also that I made an uninformed choice based on ''perfect ideals''. I've also been told I defend my decision because I regret it and that I have missed out on a joyful life by ending my pregnancy. 
None of this is true. I made a choice based on all the information I could get my hands on. Facts as well as what ifs. And I would never ever discriminate against anyone including those with disabilities, anyone that knows me would stand with me on that one. 

The worst bit? Over and over again Albie, and other babies, were referred to as just a foetus. 
I shall just say, as many of you know, to me, Albie was not just a foetus. He was my baby. He had tiny hands and tiny feet, with 10 tiny fingers and 10 tiny toes. He had a nose and a mouth and 2 ears and 2 sleeping eyes. I laboured and gave birth to him. I held him in my arms and I kissed his tiny forehead. I told him repeatedly that I love him and how I wished with all my wishes that things could have been different. 
Does that sound like ''just a foetus'' to you? 

I truly tried my hardest to word my responses in a way as to not offend anyone with a disability or a disabled child. I repeatedly reiterated the fact I believe that there is no right or wrong and that decisions are based on what is best for that individual family. It just so happens that was what was best for us, as a whole family, including Albie. 

So why is it okay to judge those who chose to end the pregnancy, like our baby was not wanted and unloved? We are not monsters, we are not selfish. We did what we did out of love, just like you did what you did out of love. Everyone makes different choices in life, choices that are best for them. This doesn't make one person better than another, this does not make anybody more or less worthy than another. 

I'm surprised after so much awareness recently this is still such a massive debate. 
I love Albie and I will defend my decision if I need too and I will never regret it. I will never put down anyone who chose a different path than me and I would never judge anyone for defending that path. All I ask in return is that same courtesy.